remember me as a time of day
Oct. 8th, 2004
i'm in computer mode so i thought i might as well do this too.
my brother's wedding is tomorrow. i tried on the bridesmaid's dress again tonight. not as bad as before maybe.
marriage is so weird. i cannot fathom why anyone does it anymore. i wonder why our society still puts so much value in it.
i'm dreading the paper i have to write after this is all over. it's due monday and i haven't begun thinking about it. oh and i haven't done any of the readings. i think i'm in trouble. i also lost my microeconomics book...
i said "i" so many times in this post. but you know what? it wouldn't make sense without them. so there.
i should sleep now. it's 3 and i wake up soon.
Jul. 9th, 2004
01:53 am - look at what the light did now
i'm horribly bored and i don't know why. i almost went on a bike ride at 1:30 in the morning just to get rid of energy so i could just go to sleep.
but i do love scout niblett. so much. and the song in my subject by little wings. i really want to buy sweet heart fever tomorrow by scout niblett but i do not have any money.
wet road is a fantastic song.
Jul. 3rd, 2004
02:39 am - my angel rocks back and forth
so i'm reading 100 years of solitude by gabriel garcia marquez, now, based on erin talking about it the little she did when i last saw her. i think it is really interesting, but the problem of time really bothers me in the book. they don't place the story in any time, and there is no frame of how much time passes between parts of the story. i don't know how old anyone is, and i'm not sure why it matters so much to me.
so sam and i are thinking about going to new york, because i need to go back to the town i grew up in, in upstate new york. i have to visit the family of my best friend from childhood, who died almost 3 years ago. awhile ago, i figured out that it would never be real to me until i went to where we were together, and saw that she wasn't there. i think another thing is to attempt to stop the guilt that is still there. it is really hard to feel guilty for someone's death when you hadn't talked to them in over a year, and hadn't seen them in much longer than that. i think part of me will always think that there was something i could have done, which is sort of ridiculous, but all the same the feelings are still there. she was the person that i thought, even though i hadn't seen her since i was 12, that we would meet up again, right around now probably and become best friends, and be together forever. maybe that is just what we told each other.
when i went to church, i always thanked god for taking me out that town, because i said, i knew that would have happened to me too if i had been there. how fucking selfish. it's weird to have thought that god saved me for certain reasons but not her. that's really twisted.
i think this is my angsty post. i'm really not over not being a teenager anymore.
Jun. 18th, 2004
07:05 pm - birthday things and other things!
so my birthday turned out good, it was a lot of fun. i got everyone to come to genna's and we celebrated drunken style. sam surprised me with a free bottle of champagne and a cake and balloons and the entire bar singing to me. i drank far too much and got kinda ill, but all in all a good night. so many people came out, and it was funny to see all these people i know from different places together in one place. it was also funny that i was turning 20, but i had my party in a bar, and everyone (including the people that worked there) knew it.
now i'm in minnesota for a couple days, going to a cabin with my family. it is nice to get out of madison, and have something that will force me to not smoke. or drink for that matter.
i do not update this thing enough because i'm sick of writing boring entries.
i'm reading the unbearable lightness of being by milan kundera right now. it's really wonderful. i feel like it talks a lot of the choices people make and the repercussions of following free will, and doing what seems right. and love. it's about love too. i like all the parts about strength and weakness.
who else has read this? i'm not done so don't give away anything, but i just want some other thoughts on it.
i'm trying to read it slow because i don't want it to end.
Jun. 1st, 2004
11:58 am - and you've changed some.
hmm... 4 days til i am on an airplane to florida. i think it will be real exciting meeting sam's mom. and i'll get to swim in the ocean and lay on a beach.
things with sam are kinda funny right now, because he is most likely moving to chicago in august. that's fine, and i really do think we'll make it work. but when i'm drunk i say things that sound like i think otherwise.
i really want to read all familie are psychotic again, but randy has it. i should really call him. tomorrow.
my new bike is wonderful. it's the coolest bike ever, and now i just try to find reasons to go places. it's certainly made me less lazy.
i need to find a new cord thing for my digital camera. i lost mine, and although it is somewhere in my house, i haven't seen in it months and i want to take pictures tonight.
oh BIG NEWS! apart from going to see sonic youth and lollapalooza, sam got me tickets to see them again in milwaukee a week later!!! that's so much sonic youth in a week. it's gonna be the crazy. he got them for our six month anniversary thing. weird, eh?
oh and i get to see the microphones/mount eerie the day i get back from chicago. and hopefully i get to see devendra banhart and joanna newsom the day after sam gets back in town from florida.
May. 22nd, 2004
grr. reading old entries, realizing that i was quoted even more inaccurately than i originally thought.
i just need to delete this thing.
May. 17th, 2004
04:28 pm - oh my.
i messed up today. i was supposed to have a job interview at 11:30. i remembered at 1.
so now they won't interview me. i have to call the other people about the cocktail waitressing job. hopefully that will work.
May. 12th, 2004
10:05 am - yesterday is here
so i'm getting very close to being done. i have 2 and a half more pages to write for my english class (and revisions since 2 of the other pages were written slightly drunk). then study some for soviet exam.
i can't wait to be done. school really made me crazy this semester.
tonight i'm going to a hippie co-op for a dinner party. it should be fun. i believe there is lots of wine involved.
sam's band is also playing tonight.
it's weird, because as soon as summer hits i get all restless in my relationship. i think i just need a break from madison.
okay time to write about parasitism in our mutual friend by charles dickens and the film chinatown.
May. 7th, 2004
04:09 pm - oh dear.
3:00 - 5:00 take home exam
5:00 - 6:00 children’s lit thing
6:00 - 7:00 finish take home exam
7:00 - 8:00 eat food
8:00 - 9:00 look at paper topics - get thesis figured out
9:00 - 12:00 conceptual terms, go through books
12:00 - 7:00 sleep
7:00 - 8:00 shower and eat
8:00 - 12:00 conceptual terms/take home exam/books
12:00 - 2:00 review session
2:00 - 4:00 study with carly
4:00 - 5:00 eat food
5:00 - 8:00 work on paper
8:00 - 12:00 work on other exams (german lit)
12:00 - 8:00 sleep
8:00 - 8:30 - eat
8:30 - 2:30 finish take home exam, compile notebook
2:45 - 4:45 exam
5:00 - 6:00 eat food
6:00 - 9:00 work out german essays
9:00 - 12:00 work out other history stuff
12:00 - 7:00 sleep
7:45 - 9:45 exam
9:45 - 12:00 study for history exam
12:25 - 2:25 exam
2:25 - ? Get paper done
Apr. 12th, 2004
04:59 am - really early.
haven't slept yet.
i procrastinated all day and now i'm up ridiculously late doing a paper. it's not done yet, and i have an exam in six hours.
and i'm bored. i'm horribly sick of reading about Nazis. and honestly, i don't care if they were revolutionary, because they were really fucking mean.
that should have been my paper. right there.
i bought six cds today. one for sam. i'm impulsive.
cat power - covers record
sonic youth - evol
palace brothers - there is no one what will take care of you
scout niblett - i conjure series
leonard cohen - songs from a room
most of them i had before and lost or i had burned copies. but i'm happy to have them for real now.
i feel nauseous from mountain dew and 5 am.
i can't decide if i should stop writing the paper (i have one page left to write) and study for my exam, or just go to sleep and hope for the best. or stay up all night.
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